Neil Saves the Bar Mitzvah

Recently, Neil’s Jewish nephew, Rodney, turned the ripe, bold age of 13. That’s right, it was time for a Bar Mitzvah. Unfortunately, a few days before the extravagant event Neil came down with a case of Covid 19. Upon learning of Neil’s sickness, the ladies at the synagogue seemed a little too happy to rescind Neil’s invitation. Poor Rodney didn’t find out his favorite uncle wasn’t going to be there until the DAY OF THE CELEBRATION. He was grief-stricken. He refused to don his gay apparel and hid in a closet in the basement. A closet in the basement is an excellent place to be during a tornado, but a terrible place to be during ones Bar Mitzvah.

Neil received word of the situation through a family friend. He became impassioned. Without hesitating, Neil chugged 5 times the Trump Administration recommended dose of hydroxychloroquine and crashed the party.

Rodney heard Neil’s voice. He sprang from the closet in his casual clothes and signaled the DJ to start the dance. Rodney became a man. Mozel tov, Rodney.

Neil made it through the dance before vomiting violently and collapsing in a dehydrated fever sweat. The paramedics have reported Neil’s condition as stable. The ladies of the synagogue were less than impressed, but the Rabbi seemed to rather enjoy the whole affair.

In the end, I’d call it just another day in the life of Neil Milani.

Covid-19 Update

Today Neil shat himself. We moved him up to the larger size diapers, but it didn’t seem to be enough - it was a blowout. Despite drool running down his face and being covered in the sewage reek of his own diarrhea, Neil still seemed to be in a good mood and pleasantly babbled away while I changed him. The diaper rash has been clearing up, but the social restrictions have been hard on all of us. For Neil’s sake, please pray for a speedy end to the Covid pandemic.

Running Over the Principal

Neil told a story of going to get Mcdonald’s with a friend in high school. The principal of the school did not want them to leave, so he stood in the gate of the parking lot and physically blocked their car. His friend motioned for him to move and did not slow down. The principal dove out of the way as the sped through the gate and off to Mcdonalds. After returning, Neil’s friend, the driver, brought the principal a happy meal as an apology. Neil headed back to class as the principal’s office door slammed shut, muffling the steady stream of yelling.